he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You're earring is so big in my mouth
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
