he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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