I wish you could order shots online.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
