a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
