i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
