please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
