I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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