I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
