K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
