I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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