I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize