Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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