I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
