I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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