20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
