now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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