i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
