I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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