Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
