I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
