it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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