I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
