I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
