we have pet lesbian snakes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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