I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
