FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
