He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
