fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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