4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Damn victory sex feels great
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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