when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
