When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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