my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
