is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
