I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
