I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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