I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
