dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
