So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize