Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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