Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
