You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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