dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you had me at cake vodka
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
