I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
