i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize