I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
