Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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