watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
