I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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