he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
