Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
