we have pet lesbian snakes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
