I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
