Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize