Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
