HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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