my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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