she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
