It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
