distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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