im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
