'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
