I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
