I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
