I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
