if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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