I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
