When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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