why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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