Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize