I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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