Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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