We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
