not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
