omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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