Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
