She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
