one might say we're banned from that church
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
