he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
