I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
