My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
