Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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