so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
