You just made me feel so damn special
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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