i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
