im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
