Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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