My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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