I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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