Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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