i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
