Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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