If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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