Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
