adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
