I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They took my balls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
