So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
