Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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