My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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