We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
