Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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