we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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