based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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