Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
