I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
