she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
