you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
