Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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